I finally picked up a copy of Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. I was very intrigued when this book first came out and I've been looking forward to reading it. For those of you who are not familiar with the book, it deals with new evidence regarding societies in the prehistoric earth, and how interpersonal, familial and sexual relationships were most likely structured in the hunter-gatherer, nomadic societies of ancient times.
Using a mixture of archaeological evidence, brain scans of modern humans, and the study of various primate societies, particularly the bonobo chimp, our closest primate relative, the authors have presented a counterpoint to the standard narrative of human evolution.
I have always taken issue with the Darwinian approach to human sexuality and relating. The idea that women have always traded sex, particularly monogamous sexual relationships, in exchange for protection and food provided by men, has never felt true or right to me. This idea is based on modern economics, the nuclear family, and a society that limits opportunity and power for women.
The authors of Sex at Dawn present an alternative pre-historic society, one in which people lived together in close-knit hunter-gatherer groups. Much of the food was gathered by women, who enjoyed high-ranking status in these societies. Sexual relationships were not exclusive, food, childcare, and other duties related to survival were shared by the group. Paternity was uncertain and considered of little consequence, as everyone in the tribe or clan took responsibility for the children. It wasn't until the invention of agriculture that women began to be viewed as private property, along with land and other resources.
The idea of cave women trading monogamous sex for food and protection from one man strikes me as propaganda, a way to justify our current approach to relationships, family, and sexuality. It makes very little sense for a pre-historic woman to put so much stock in one relationship to help her raise her children when you take into account the support she would have from her entire clan.
Women (hetero and bisexual women, that is), when not pregnant, are attracted to men with dissimilar genetic makeup from their own. This has a biological function of bringing the woman's egg in contact with sperm that will complement the woman's genetic makeup and will be more likely to result in a healthy child. However, once a woman is pregnant, she becomes less attracted to men with dissimilar genetic makeup and gravitates more towards people of similar genetic makeup. This suggests that our pre-historic female ancestors would instinctively return to their clans when they became pregnant. Something to consider, for certain.
I do not entirely dislike modern society. We have, as humans, achieved a lot of great things. I can't help but be proud when I think about the works of philosophy and great art our species have created. But other things about modern society make me sad. I have always considered the nuclear family to be a rather silly invention, unproductive to our growth as a species. Especially with our silly economic system that requires people to work long hours away from their families for currency controlled by the elites in order to provide their families with the basic necessities of survival. I remember as a child, that, even though I had two wonderful parents, I felt terribly isolated. I craved a community of interested adults, a close-knit, broad range of kinship ties. I firmly believe that that is how we are meant to live.
The ideas behind monogamous, married relationships are, in many ways, counter to community building. Although there are many benefits to monogamy, and I am not attacking the validity of that relationship style, I question the need for a fortress to be built around a unit of two, forbidding friends of the opposite sex, certain social activities, and restricting access to community. This is not true in every case, but it is certainly a trend. I have ended relationships because my significant other would not accept my desire to keep important male friends in my life and honour the support and richness provided by their friendship.
In my adult life, I have always made an effort to create a community for myself wherever I find myself. I hope that we can restructure our society into one that values the interconnectedness of people more, that offers greater support for families, and that treats everyone with compassion, dignity, and respect.
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